Have you ever asked yourself what is wrong with your child from time to time? It seems that sometimes your usually good child totally freaks out without a reasonable cause.
Some kids have temper tantrums if they can’t get their own way, but my daughter usually does not respond in that way. Yes, I am saying – usually. But sometimes, I am not able to recognize my own child! I can tell you that I don’t like that kind of behavior at all, and I suppose that you agree entirely with me.
Well, I don’t practice beatings as a means of educating children. That is the reason why I have read a lot of literature on the subject. My only question is – why she needs to behave in that way? If you ask yourselves what is wrong with your child who acts similarly, the answer is – absolutely nothing. It seems that tantrums mean that you are raising a normal, healthy child.
Let’s talk about that the proposition.
Table of Contents
- Is my child spoiled, with a bad temper, or perfectly reasonable – this is the question!
- Tantrums, the healthy way for your child to express herself
- The way your child learn to be the part of this world
- How to manage to deal with tantrums?
- The distraction is the right choice!
- Help your child to regulate her emotions
- Watch your behavior!
- Teach her how to use appropriate vocabulary
- Avoid punishment whenever possible
- Ignoring is the harshest punishment for a child
- What to do when ‘Little Nero’ appears?
- Preventing tantrums is a wise way to live peacefully
Is my child spoiled, with a bad temper, or perfectly reasonable – this is the question!
From time to time, toddlerhood is obviously ‘synonymous with tantrums’. The problem is that they tend to appear at the most inadequate times and in the most improper possible places. I hate it! In situations like that, I always see myself as a bad parent of a spoiled child. Except the fact that I am not a bad parent! And my child is not spoiled more than any other child in our surroundings.
Don’t worry! As long as you are reconsidering yourself if you are a good parent, you are on the right path!
Toddlers can have tantrums over anything. My daughter loves eating potatoes one day but hates them the next one. She gives a ball to another child, and after only one second he starts screaming: ‘Mine’!!! Sometimes she asks to sit in the baby strollers but after a few minutes cries in full voice: ‘Noooooo’!!! Is it familiar to you? If you are a parent of one toddler, the answer, unfortunately, is – yes!
In such situations, I only have bad words in my mind. It seems to me that the case is getting out of my hands and I start to be horrified by her behavior. I admit that sometimes it is tough for me to believe that such behavior is normal for children of that age and that this phase will pass. Although it seemed to you that this situation would last, you should calm down. Believe me, it will pass!
Tantrums, the healthy way for your child to express herself
What about tantrums? In fact, there are two different types of tantrums. On the one side, there are ‘emotional tantrums’. They are typical for younger toddlers up to three years old. It is their way to show us when they are upset. On the other side, there are ‘Little Nero tantrums’.
Well, in the beginning, all toddlers have emotional tantrums. Depending on reactions of their parents, some children learn very quickly how to use them as a way of manipulation. Watch out! If they get what they want immediately, tantrums will establish as an amenity.
Emotional tantrums are natural behaviors and natural result of unmet needs or desires. There are better chances that they will appear in children under two, who start to look for their independence. Terrible turmoil inside their mind follows that process. To make things worse, they need time to understand new strong emotions and to put them under control.
Don’t forget! They can’t speak even though all around can! Lack of ways to express what they feel can additionally affect their frustration. Then tantrums come to the scene as a method they use to ask for help. Once they learn to verbalize their feelings, tantrums will be a bad thing of the past.
Believe or not, even though that kind of behavior is pretty unpleasant challenging aspects of parenting, the truth is that emotional tantrums can be helpful. They are a way for your toddler to develop. If you respond to temper tantrums with care, you will turn them into an invaluable life lesson. Keep in mind that there are proofs that your reaction in this early period will regulate your kid’s emotions which will affect her future social competence, popularity, and academic success.
You are probably wondering how this kind of terrible behavior can help. Let’s see.
The way your child learn to be the part of this world
The way of brain development
In physical terms, tantrums affect child’s brain development. Do you know that kids’ brain develops up to twenty years of their age? Your reaction to tantrums will have far-reaching consequences. That means that you will help her brain develops in the way she starts to make right choices in her life.
The fact is that, after birth, babies have billions of Neurons (brain cells). The problem is that they have a lack of Synapses (brain cell connections). These connections develop during our lives through different experiences. At the beginning of child’s life, tantrums are actually crucial experiences in developing the brain.
A method for detecting newly discovered emotions
Be aware that every emotion is utterly new to your child. It is an unbelievable thing, but it seems that our toddlers exactly know what they want. They only can’t find the adequate way to express their self-awareness from time to time. It is probably very frustrating for them. From that perspective, tantrums are only the method your child may experience anger, frustration, fear, or sadness. Just let her know all these feelings are OK.
Understanding other people’s emotions
Experiencing tantrums may help your toddler to deeply understand all these new feelings she has been discovering during the time. If she knows that you are full of understanding, she will become aware of your emotions in return. After a while, your child will understand feelings of other people from their surroundings.
A confirmation of your unconditionally support
I exactly know that tantrums are incredibly uncomfortable for you as a parent, but they are not pleasant for your kiddos too. They only use that type of behavior to check out if you unconditionally support them no matter what they do. Whenever you freaked out about your kid’s irrational behavior, remember that your child maybe wants to make sure that she is safe. It is not unreasonable, isn’t it?
Developing their own sense of autonomy
During these early turbulent years of growing up, you can also expect that your child starts to develop their own sense of autonomy. In one particular moment, they realize that saying ‘No!’ means confirmation of their independence. They use tantrums to extend this knowledge.
How to manage to deal with tantrums?
The distraction is the right choice!
It’s very likely that tantrums will catch you unprepared. Try to make things simpler. Give your child a choice and prevent an outburst of her anger. For example, if she refuses to eat, don’t push. Instead, ask the child to decide if she wants potato or carrots first. It will confuse her, believe me! She will forget her refusal and start thinking which choice she wants to make.
This simple trick with offering choices will activate your child’s thinking brain. That means that with raising her curiosity, you will help to release the hormone Dopamine in child’s brain, which will increase her good mood.
When tantrum once takes control, and your child is flooded with emotions, she can’t react reasonably. Try to hug and hold her until the hormonal balance inside your child’s body restores. It will activate hormone Oxytocin which is responsible for calming the system. The result will appear almost immediately, and your child will calm down very soon.
You are aware that your child mimics everything that adults do including the control over their emotions. If you start yelling and buzzing about the least bit, you can count on that you will influence your child’s modeling behavior in that way. Consequently, don’t be surprised when your kid has tantrums whenever things don’t go her way. With yelling, you actually taught her to face upsetting situations and difficulties in life in the wrong way.
Teach her how to use appropriate vocabulary
When the child calms down after the outburst of anger, try to discuss with her what happened. Use that opportunity to teach her how to behave herself the next time she needs something. Be aware that child needs to learn how to use words. Plus, she needs to use them instead of throwing toys. The only way to show her to express her feelings without being angry is to make her learn. And you are the one who should teach her how to manage any possible emotional situations which she can expect in the future.
Avoid punishment whenever possible
It is very likely that tantrums usually start when your kid wants something which is forbidden or unavailable to her. If you let it unresolved, you will probably get a powerful hormonal storm. Keep in mind that a young child can’t handle with such a burning reaction by herself.
Please avoid sending your child to her room and leaving her alone in helpless anger. Any isolation or other kinds of punishment will only teach her that you can’t help her and that she can’t trust you when she is in pain. I am convinced that you don’t want something like that to happen.
Ignoring is the harshest punishment for a child
It is a pretty smart technique to ignore a child in the cases of uncontrolled rage. Without the desired attention, her undesirable behavior won’t be reinforced. Walk out of the room and let her understand that you won’t tolerate this behavior.
The only exception is if she tends to endanger herself or other people physically. If a child starts throwing and hitting things or biting someone, you must stop her immediately! Let her very clearly that these manners are unacceptable. In extreme situations, you should use time-out as the ultimate means.
What to do when ‘Little Nero’ appears?
That’s true that there are some occasions when you honestly believe that you raise a Little Nero in your home. You obviously know exactly what I mean. It happened a few times that my daughter wanted something and refused to stop screaming until she got what she wanted. This behavior is not connected with hormones or intense emotions. Oh, no! It is pure power struggle mode. If it’s about this type of tantrums, you can forget about all the tips above.
Ignoring won’t help when the child is tiny. So try verbal indulgence. That exactly means that if your child continues with repeating ‘I want this!’ you can conciliatorily back to her: ‘I know that you want this. I can see that you want this’! It is the simplest possible way to show your kid that you understand her and you can be sure that you won half of the battle.
The other half will be an explanation. ‘I know that you want that toy but it is sharp, and it’s not for children up to three years. I am really sorry my dear’.
Preventing tantrums is a wise way to live peacefully
When I discovered the secret of the ‘HALT’, my life started to be comfortable as a poem. The catch is to find out what are these situations when a child is prone to get angry.
H – Hunger
A – Anger
L – Loneliness
T – Tiredness
The solution is so simple that you will be surprised! Only set a daily schedule of eating, sleeping, and resting. It is the way to avoid tantrum traps in most cases.
Be a step ahead of your child. I exactly know when to expect my daughter will be upset. When I see that she will want something she can’t get, I provide adequate solutions in advance and beat her with logic.
And it works every single time! Yeah!