Moms can be very different. They are a different age, education, origin, race, wealth, and the like. It seems that many of them have nothing in common. But, it is not entirely correct. Most of them have at least one common feature – they tend to be perfect for their kids. That is fine, but can be pretty exhausting from time to time. The ‘perfect’ mom needs to know when it is time to be less ‘perfect’ and become an ordinary woman who needs a rest and the right to make mistakes.
When You Feel Like an Unsuccessful Mom, Remember These Facts
1 – Your weakness and failure are not who you are. If you make mistakes, it doesn’t mean that you are a terrible mom. On the contrary, the fact that you re-examine yourself is the sure sign that you are a fantastic mom who sometimes has a bad day.
2 – The fact that you worry means that you care and think about the issue. Well, it is a sign that you can make an adequate plan to overcome the problem and improve yourself using your negative feelings as inspiration.
3 – The bad day won’t shape your kid. Be aware that your child will develop during all days of her childhood and this bad one won’t make her an unhappy person. Let this challenging day be a lesson which will make you a stronger, more polite, patient, and devoted mom.
4 – Don’t think that you are the only mom who can’t do everything well every single time, or who feels overwhelmed from time to time. As a mom, you will give up on yourself, your goals, and your dreams, but it can’t last forever. At one moment you will be fed up with everything and need to take a break. After a while, everything will be OK again.
5 – When you are tired and under stress, it is easy to believe in negative thoughts – Don’t let yourself think about bad feelings when you are exhausted. Just stop these thoughts, relax, and take your time to realize that everything will look better when your mind is clear, and your body rested.
6 – Every failure is an opportunity to learn from your mistakes. That is the sure way to react better the next time. You don’t need to be perfect. It is enough to be a good role model for your kid and to show her that making mistakes doesn’t mean that someone is a loser. They are our way to learn and thrive.
7 – It is OK if you haven’t had time to clean the house or to decide to go to bed earlier. Like everybody else, you have a right to go for a walk or to take a rest. Do it. Relaxed and rested, you will forget bad thoughts and discover that your life is sweet and great. Enjoy your kid’s company and watch her grows and becomes a good human being. That is what good moms do.
Find Best Ways to Recover From a Bad Day
The only way to enjoy all the joys of motherhood without gnawing feeling is to attack all of the negative and entirely unhelpful thoughts and to ask for help and support if it is necessary.
1 – Try to improve your perspective
It is pretty typical for every mom to feel the negativity from time to time. Actually, you can expect this side effect of the ’24/7 mom’s job’ from the moment you give birth to your little one. The secret is to be wise enough to recognize arising negative feelings and to find a way to overcome them.
Take your time to find out what the problem is. If you like writing, put on paper what happened and how such an event caused your negative emotions. Try to recall the similar situation through which you have already passed and the solution which helped you then. Find a reason for the mess that happened and triggered these unwanted feelings.
If the reason why you feel like a terrible mother is that you have argued with your child, the best you should do is define the problem and to think if you reacted adequately or you were too harsh because you had had a stressful day. The best option for you is to give yourself 15 minutes for worrying, learn from that experience, and stop being upset. The aim is to release the anger and guilt and to begin to feel better afterward.
2 – Accept that it is OK not to be perfect
This step is pretty hard for a woman who is a perfectionist in life. As soon as you realize that it is not realistic to expect to be the perfect mother, it will be easier for you to get rid of the bad emotions. Actually, it is not too hard to spend a few vxminutes before going to bed to enjoy the right decisions you have made as a mom that particular day.
Reduce self-criticism to a reasonable level and love your child, have enough time for her, and give her the right life guidelines. Believe or not, those are the only things she really needs. Avoid too excessive reconsideration and appreciate every child’s smile, hug, and a little talk with your little one. And be sure, being optimistic is the key of successful parenting.
3 – Focus on your strengths
Forget your imperfection for a moment and try to emphasize all those enjoyable little things that you are good at. Think about them when you feel you are not good enough. Put on paper all your positive sides and all the things you believe to make you an excellent mom. Read that list when you have a bad day and don’t let negative thoughts overwhelm you.
4 – Recognize bad thoughts
Identify all these negative ideas at the moment they appear and try to create a new, positive reality. Establish your own internal dialogue to convince yourself why you should feel like an excellent mom. Listen to yourself during a day and notice your thoughts and feelings in different situations. Additionally, try to avoid inadequate reactions in following similar circumstances.
5 – Find the culprit
Once you establish your inner talk, try to define what is that which leads you to the negative thinking pattern. In that way, you will probably find your trigger. Sometimes, it can be obvious (when your child or someone else accuses you that you are the worst mom), but sometimes the culprit is much harder to notice (comparison with other moms or your idea of what it means to be a good mother). Every time you begin to think negatively, find the trigger responsible for bad feelings and face it.
6 – Never compare yourself to other moms
Even that mom who you consider as ‘perfect’ has bad days. Parenting is not easy for anyone, even for moms who seem to do everything in the ‘perfect’ way.
Live your life, do things on your way, try to improve yourself by reading books about parenting, and talk with friends who have their own kids. Give a break and stop comparing yourself with ‘perfect’ moms who are actually ‘perfect’ only on photos which they share on Facebook. All these comparisons are unrealistic because you can’t see the ugly parts of their lives on the social media. No one puts bad days on display.
Find a proper parenting forum and connect yourself with other moms, their real stories, and problems. And, voila! You will realize very soon that all of them have the similar worries as you have. It will make you stop feeling like the horrible and useless mother.
7 – Talk with a trusted family member or a friend
When you realize that you can’t cope with negative thoughts, call the best friend, your mom, or a sister. Share your doubts and concerns about what kind of mom you are. You will probably be surprised when you find out that some of them who you consider as a ‘perfect’ mom has fought the same battles and faced up the same challenges as you do now.
8 – Share your perplexities with other moms
Be realistic and understand that occurrence of the horrible feeling that you are a bad mom is not unique for you. Unfortunately, some moms have never talked about their fears and low self-esteem, and this is the only reason why you can be left in the belief that they are ‘perfect’ unlike you.
Have the courage and say aloud some of your worst thoughts about your parenting. In doing so, you may encourage some other moms to say their negative thoughts, and it is very likely that their feelings will be the same or pretty similar.
9 – Look for a support group and become a member
The group of women with the same problems and similar concerns can console you. Hearing the other women’s stories, who struggle to be a good parent or refuse to follow established parenting rules, can help you understand that you are not alone.
If you can’t find the group that fits you the best, ask a local counselor or your pediatrician to help you find a support group for mothers in the same situation.
10 – See a therapist
If you become a mom for the first time and struggle with negative emotions and depression, ask for professional help right away. Post-partum depression is not naive but a severe issue which can impact your life negatively if left untreated. This condition needs to be treated with medication, and sometimes psychotherapy is the ultimate solution.
If you notice that you have a problem to connect with your baby, mood swings, concentration problem, sleep disruption, anxiety, crying spells, and isolating from your loved ones, you should consult with a doctor.
Be cool, patient, talk to your kid without yelling, make reasonable rules, prepare yummy dinners, bake favorite cakes, give wise advice, and be a perfect mom – WOW, I adore this list. Well, in my dreams.
The truth is that it is enough to be a ‘regular’ mom who will sometimes give her child cereal or chips for dinner. You will be moody sometimes and won’t have the answer to every question. You will occasionally be nervous like everybody else, furiously walk around the house and yell because your child hasn’t cleaned her room. Dear moms, you don’t need to be perfect, and you have the right to have bad days like everybody else. Actually, it seems that kids like their moms no matter what their mood is on that particular day. Be a ‘regular’ mom and don’t judge yourself too severe.