There is no magic formula for anyone to be a good parent to their kids. Parents have to find the right way to communicate with children on the appropriate way. But, we know that sometimes it can be the mission impossible.
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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen
rom the early beginning, when they are just our innocent sweet babies, there are a lot of situations when they transform from an angel to the stubborn monster for a second. During years, it can be more difficult, especially during those horrible teenage years.
It is obvious that they are perfectly capable human beings, and that they can understand and learn everything. Nevertheless, they continue to make a mess in the kitchen and leave scattered things all over the house. I will not even mention all that mess in their rooms. Without any attention, they leave everything out of order, including dirty dishes in the sink, dirty clothes on the floor, etc.
What to Do?
or the start, try to remember what you did as a teenager. Maybe you take advantage of your experience. You probably drove your parents crazy as I did. And it is not fair to expect from your children to be perfect, right?
What to say, I’m cheating in all possible ways. Sometimes the only way to make them do what I expect them to do is to ask them to do the opposite thing. My parents succeeded in that tactic every time. It is comforting and devastating at the same time to know that the new generations have not progressed a bit in relation to ours. I am sometimes a little bit ashamed, but this tactic is a still good option in the relation with our unbreakable teenagers
clearly remember my mother’s ineffectual methods such as playing the martyr card ‘’I am the slave who just cleans up after you!” or playing nicely role “Hey guys, can you please do me a favor and clean up”? In the first case, they will just put on headphones and ignore you completely. In the other case, you will get one “sure” and that’s it. Those methods or any similar just don’t work!
Once I somewhere read that a part of a problem lies ‘in the conflict of needs’. We, as parents, need some daily routine and order routine. The children don’t care about all of that. That’s the fact. Deal with it.
In fact, I believe that actually children do not see all that mess around. They just live their lives, listen to music, read, play, and dream, or fall in love. You know, sometimes I ask myself if I am right. It seems that they are happy to be alive and don’t care about the dirty dishes or a bunch of dirty laundries. And, please tell me, who is more honest there?
he sad truth is that parents are quick to criticize and slow to praise. I know that it is difficult to say ‘’thank you, you did the great thing’’ when they finish something that they should finish in the first place. But why not thank them? Actually, it is not so hard. And the result can be amazing. The trick is to make them feel that they are necessary and that do something important like ‘’the world has been a better place because I cleaned all that mess’’. We were the same, weren’t we?
Also, you can try with using positive language and avoid words such as “no” or “don’t”, “you’re a bad child” or “I am ashamed of you”. That is basically useless and only leaves your child feeling completely worthless. Plus, keep in mind that they actually learn from you and deliver the same respect and praise to others. Don’t let your child become an unhappy and disheartened person.
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Our Goal is to Make Kids Cooperate With Us
very time you want your kids to cooperate with you, it is a wise way trying to suggest options and alternatives to them. If you think better, it is pretty much reasonable. Everyone wants to have a choice. Plus, it is far easier if they understand why they need to do something and what they get in the end. It is some kind of trade actually, and it always works.
‘’When you clean your room, you can go out to play with your friends’’ is a magical way. I am usually not proud of myself when I make such an arrangement but, believe or not, this system is regularly effective. In any case, it’s a far better than using “if” words. No one wants to hear ‘’If you don’t finish that, I will…’’. You know what I exactly mean, right?
Keep It Simple
Every attempt to make your children do something is some kind of negotiations. But, there have to be clear who is a parent and who is a kid. It is always better to be gentle but firm at the same time. If you have made a decision, stick to it. It is crucial that your partner agrees with you and both of you need to stay consistent. Your kids may not like the decision in that moment, but they will know that you won’t change your mind. It is the only possible way that they fail to turn parents against one another.
And, I mustn’t forget one of the most important rules. Make time for one-on-one conversations, especially if there is quite an age gap between your kids. Conversations with your older siblings can be sometimes over the younger kids’ level of communication.
Always think that open communication with your kids develops their confidence. On that way, your kid will be a self-respect person who has a good relationship with both other children and adults. You need to make a good relationship with them from the start, and so it will remain forever. Talk with them and then hear what they have to say because listening is just as important as talking.