You might hear plenty of advice about how to keep your marriage happy. You might also hear about how important it is to deal with your in-laws in marriage. There must be some cousin, friend or even neighbor who tell you about how she is frustrated with her mother-in-law. Certainly, you might have that deep fear inside about your mother-in-law after hearing those scary stories.
Having a healthy relationship with in-laws is part of happy and successful marriage. Do you know messing up with in-laws can turn your relationship upside down? We have a plenty of examples where couple felt considerable stress due to meddling with in-laws. Keep stress aside, some couple even parted their ways due to this meddling thing.
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- Does Every Mother-in-law Make Her Presence Like a Monster?
The answer is a big NO. We cannot consider every mother-in-law as a difficult one. But no mother-in-law can be easy. Of course, there are exceptions. If you want your mother-in-law to treat you as her own daughter, your relationship with your mother-in-law should be a bit of similar to how you treat your own mother. We asked five women and two of them said that they are very happy with their mother-in-law even if they have conflicts sometimes. According to them, their mother-in-law is always helpful with babies and household even if they irritate sometimes. Three women made it loud and clear that they cannot share same room with their mother-in-law even for an hour. And they do have lots of fight every time the mother-in-law issue rises in the house.
Here are some signs that prove that you have a monster-in-law.
- She is always right and there is no other side of what she says or does except being right. Even if she’s wrong, she’ll never admit it. May be she’ll blame you for her mistake and expect you to apologize.
- She ignores to an extreme limit where she convey her massage that she really doesn’t care about you. She will ignore any of your accomplishment as unworthy of her attention.
- She will communicate with you in a subtle tones and harsh words. She might wants prove that you are not good enough for her son by every time she communicates. Clearly she will not say it directly but she will make sure that you’ll receive the massage straight.
- If you are not bending to her will, she might cross all the limits and try to turn everyone in the family against you. You might need to bear more people after this saying “you are not a good enough partner or suitable match”.
- She will not respect your words, work, your family or even anything related you. At some point you might start to have feelings that you are actually an enemy since last birth.
- She can be manipulative and try to play blame games or silent treatment. You never know what comes out of the mother-in-law head until you became one.
Balancing relationship with in-laws and especially mother-in-law is not a piece of cake for everyone. There are some splendid moments that almost every daughter-in-law faces. What can you do?
How can you control the situation?
Check out following some common situations you’ll surly face as a daughter-in-law with how to handle it advice.
1.Let your mother-in-law be wiser: Sometimes your mother-in-law might feel insecure about her advice. The suggestions from brand new bride might give her hard feeling with fear of replacing her suggestion. She is older and so she is wiser, so that means they can turn down your suggestion anytime. What you need to do is just take a deep breath and think for other opportunities where your suggestion can be applied. So what if she didn’t consider your suggestion for the new restaurant. You can go there with your friends and enjoy it. Remember, curtain family tradition keeps going even if it is stupid and even if you might not like it at all. Changing it is not an option. It is better to accept it as your tradition too.
2.Too much interest in your future: This is one of the most irritating thing mother-in-law does. Out of nowhere, her mornings start with hints about having grandchildren and she wouldn’t shut up until she really wants to. You might receive random tone at anytime, when having dinner or at family gatherings or anywhere. The worst feeling is like she is openly asking “when are you going to have unprotected sex with my son?” This really makes you hit your head in wall but that’s not a solution. Just give her straight answer as there is nothing to hide about. If you and your husband really don’t want kids, make it clear with good announcement. If you are trying since sometimes, said it out with nice words. No matter whatever is your answer, you will still receive tones of advice from her. You might hear ‘how having kids is a true blessing’ or ‘the biological clock is ticking off’ kinda stuff. Just nod your head with smile because there is no space of argument. This is a question every married couple faces and society approves this question. Ridiculous but true. So remember, you are not the only one!
3.That ‘you are stealing my son’ expression: When you are planning to step into a new phase of life with your partner, your mother-in-law can find this as a reminder that her son is no longer her baby. This fear might lead to a feeling of aging and scary thought of you might shut off her completely from her son’s life. The jealous mother-in-law could be more dangerous. She behaves critical because she thinks you are taking her son away and replacing her spot. Instead of defending yourself, just be silent and treat her as if she behaved rude (which she really did) and you are going to do a favor by ignoring her. Just look at her with a soft smile and say nothing. It doesn’t matter she might fell guilty of what she did but this will helps you to keep the peace between you and your man.
4.That infinite tips for raising a kid: Well if you have a kid that means you already gone through that having grandchildren tones. Congratulations! But the next phase has its own challenges. You gave her endless happiness but you still need to hear her opinions. The opinions from an experienced are very helpful but it starts to hurt when the level of opinion crossed its limit and makes you feel like a bad mother in front of everyone. The truth is, your mother-in-law really wants to help you but she is bad about choosing situations. She’s trying to offering her help, and you just need to tell her that you’ll gladly ask for her help when you actually need it. Stand up for your parenting without making her feel bad after all she is a grandmother. Do not lose your control, especially in front of the kid. Consider her criticism as a care of grandma.
5.Manager of your holidays: It’s difficult to enjoy holidays after marriage if your mother-in-laws keeps forcing his son to visit her for each holiday or festival. Since you’d not prefer to celebrate it without him, you too join him. You would surly miss the dating period where you enjoyed the holidays on your own.
When it comes about the family you never know what can happen. If a mother-in-law wants you to make uncomfortable, she can do it anyhow. Certain behavior can make you a good and suitable daughter-in-law in the family.
Check out following pieces of advice to keep your in-laws as a happy part of your married life.
1.Learn to change the subject: You might feel uncomfortable or may be terrible when your mother-in-law starts to overwhelm you. Learn the art of changing a subject and walking away. Remember, when a conversation is turning towards the toxic situation, it’s time to get up to grab a glass of coke and return to some new soft topic like an upcoming vacation trip or next Christmas celebration.
2.Don’t take it personally: Not everything coming from your mother-in-law is meant to hurt you. Marriage not only means you marry a guy, but also means you have a new family and every family has their own history. Sometimes what your mother-in-law say is what naturally comes out of her mind and you might take it personally.
3.Seek advice from your mother-in-law: This may sound dramatic but it works like a magic. Look around your house and find a problem or any issue that you can ask your mother-in-law for advice. If there’s no problem than cook up something and ask. For example, ask her about food recipes, kitchen tips or anything. This will surly give her considerable happiness. Later on, when you report back the advice on how useful it is, your mother-in-law will instantly start liking you with a big happy smile because she will feel respected. It’s worth to try!
4.Admire the gesture: Your mother-in-law is just a person, not a real monster. Nobody can be 100% good or bad. She is just a common person with faults. Appreciate those moments when your mother-in-law praise your work or give good compliments about the food you made. Say something positive back. Even if she gifts you intentionally something that you don’t like, appreciate her and say “thank you for thinking about me. Although I don’t need this thing but I would like to keep it just because you gifted this”. Don’t lose a chance for a return gift. This small gesture will keep your relationship flow smooth.
5.Don’t involve your spouse as long as possible: If your relationship is not good with your in-laws, you need to work on that. Don’t go to your partner every time. Don’t make him a bad guy who just listens complaints but never take any action after all he is a son. If you really want to talk to him, using appropriate language that doesn’t hurt his feelings. For example, rather than using “your mother is so manipulative, she is trying to control our life and I am sick of it. I know she wants us to break up.” Try this “I just found out today that your mother changed the location of party yesterday. Honey, can you talk to her if there is something wrong or why she did that? I am sure there must be some reasons we should know.” Some nice words will save you from being that girl who wants her husband to stop being a son anymore. Instead of involving your partner, you just need to build a positive interaction with your in-laws. You can criticize your own parents, but not each others.
6.Grab an opportunity for the small celebration: How about celebrating mother’s day with her? After all, you call her mother. How about celebrating her birthday by preparing a surprising visit to her or throwing an unexpected party? Do not cross with the thought that why you would do that? Even if she is not nice to you, you will feel a good change in her behavior after this. Moreover, your husband will definitely feel so proud of you.
At the end, it is a family. She was at your place once and you will be at her place in the future. Never give up on being a happy family where not only husband and kids are considered. Accept the family of your husband’s as your own.